A mix of photography, recipes, personal thoughts, faith, and lots of family stuff, but not necessarily in that order.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Family vacation part two, The part that still makes me sad.....

Two weeks ago today, my sweet little grandsons life changed forever
 as did his parents and sister's life as they know it.... 
which tickles down to us the grandparents.

 We were at our cabin in northern Minnesota for our "Family week" with all our kids and grands. 
It was suppose to be a wonderful experience with 
time spent together, making new memories as a family.
It was great, we had 4 sort of wonderful days.....
See my previous post HERE

My daughter warned me on the 4 1/2 hour drive that we may have to stop often because Carson has been having to "pee a lot"! I didn't think much of it, if we have to stop, then that's what we do.
Skip ahead a day or two...

Carson was not himself at the cabin, 
 Peeing, drinking, moody, whiny, 
clinging to his mamma and hungry all the time.

The peeing and drinking were excessive, Brianna and I talked like nurses do, 
"What if its Diabetes?" 
In my heart I wasn't having it, but in my mind I was worried....hoping all this was a phase, 
maybe he was growing, or was just out of sorts.
Things became worse by day 4, Carson wasn't perking up. 
After Breakfast (which consisted of 4 good-size pancakes and apple sauce) 
he started complaining of  a headache and shortly after vomited twice, UGH!

Brianna really just wanted to get back to Rochester but we both new what we had to do.
Park Rapids is a small town in northern Minnesota with a small hospital and ER, 
it's no Mayo Clinic but it would due in a pinch.
We decided that we at least needed to get his blood drawn and check for the dreaded disease that both of us knew but didn't want to admit was probably the culprit, sigh

On the 5 mile trek to the hospital Carson became quite lethargic. 
I sat in the back with him talking to him wanting him to stay awake,
 we were all a bit scared, especially sweet Carson as he audible said over and over, "I'm Scared". 
 It still breaks my heart as I hear his little voice in my head even today, 
and yes I still cry a little when ever I go back to that car ride.

(taking a break to wipe the tears)

Little Park Rapids hospital was great! 
They were friendly, they worked quickly to diagnose and begin treatment for
a newly diagnosed Type 1 diabetic Carson. 
Yes.... What Brianna and I knew in our heads was confirmed, Carson has Diabetes.
Normal blood sugar for Carson's age is about 70 -150
Carson's was 759

He was quickly started on an insulin drip to get his blood sugar in a safe range. 
Between finger sticks,  blood draws and IV attempts I think I counted 10 pokes for this sweet little boy. He was brave and soooo good for all that was happening to him.  
 Grandma on the other hand was a puddle, it was too much for my heart to bear. 
Carson knew grandma was having a hard time, so he quietly rubbed my hand with his bunny. 
Pretty sad when the little one who was so sick had to comfort his grandma. 
I love this boy so much, but I had to leave the room
 each time they came in to poke him again....and again.

Can I talk for a moment about Carson's mom (my amazing daughter).
  Brianna was a ROCK! strong, stable, unmoving. 
She went into protective mamma mode and took the situation by the reins," like a boss", maintaining her composure in front of her son, during this very stressful and scary time, making phone calls with the news to Carson's daddy (who was in Rochester), making decisions for Carson, consoling her blubbering mother, and finally making many phone calls to get Carson transported
 back to Rochester to be admitted to St. Mary's hospital.
About 7 hours after we arrived at Park Rapids hospital Carson, Brianna and big sister Audrey we flying home to Rochester by "Mayo Air" one of Mayo Clinics services that we are thankful for. 
It only took 25 minutes to get home. 
So glad Audrey was allowed to fly home with mom and Carson. She needed to be with them, Very scary for a 7 year old!!! 
 Luckily this was all caught before Carson got much sicker, so he was able to be
admitted to the Pediatric Floor vs the Peds ICU....thankful!

 It's amazing how good a little one can feel when he has normal blood glucose level.

Carson is learning here how to give his kitty insulin. 
The Child-life people were wonderful, helping Carson to learn about his new life change.
They all said that Carson is so smart and that he is already "getting this"

Two weeks later, things are better but still scary and hard. 
Carson's mom and dad are amazing, they have taken this disease by the horns and
 are learning as they go. 

Rick and I are reading books on Type 1 diabetes 
and trying to learn as much as we can.

 We are so proud Chris and Brianna as they are beginning to figure out this horrible disease. 
It takes a toll on everything, yes everything is different! 
 We are thankful that Carson is a happy little boy with a sweet and caring big sister, 
and a mom and dad who love him like no other! 
They are doing a wonderful job taking care of their baby!

With that being said,
 I also know that this disease is all-consuming, it's HARD, and it SUCKS and why
did it have to happen to the sweetest boy on earth?????? 
I'm still having a hard time with it all.... 
Since the day Carson was born (and even before) I have prayed for God to protect him from accidents, illness, cancer and horrible diseases i.e diabetes! 
Were those prayers in vain?????
God never promised that we would be free from all these things, 
but he did promise to always be with us, he was in Park Rapids, He still is
and always will be. 
God is with us in good times and bad.  
How do you suppose Brianna was functioning all the while her little one was being poked
 and being told her 4 year old was a newly diagnosed type 1 diabetic????
Perhaps unknowingly....through it all she drew that strength through the one who 
knows all to well what it's like to feel pain for a Son.
"O Lord, my strength and my stronghold my refuge in the day of trouble" Jeremiah 16:19
I know, God is good... all the time,
but it's still hard!!!
Slowly, I'm beginning to feel it again
It'll take time.


  1. Amazing heartfelt words. Thanks for sharing this with us. Continued prayers for you all during this transition to the "new normal". Love you all.

    1. Thanks Miranda, we appreciate you surrounding our family with prayer.

  2. Beautiful, heartbreaking post, Jackie. Brie is such a rockstar. Carson too. What a little sweetie. I'm so sorry if this isn't the place for this, but one of my friends is type 1 and uses a pump (which changed his life). I asked him how young someone could be to go on it, and he sent me this link. If this is not helpful, just ignore me. Very proud of Carson, Audrey, Brie and Chris, AND YOU, GRANDMA!!! <3


    1. Oh thanks for your sensitive thoughts Jac' I will look at the link But if I can remember right I think Carson is too young still. :( Yes Brianna is the best, and Chris is a rising star as well as he learns to give injections and all that goes with diabetes.

  3. Wiping away the tears, my friend, as I read this beautiful post. Yes, beautiful for the love, faith and strength that resonate in your words. God has blessed your entire family with incredible strength.

    That all said, I understand the difficulty of dealing with this diagnosis of wanting things to be the way they once were. It's not easy to accept even when we are Christians. My prayers continue for sweet Carson, Bri, Chris, Audrey and you and Rick.

    1. Thank you Audrey, we will be ok...we will!

  4. So hard, Grandma. I'm sorry.

  5. It is hard to re-live that day, but you wrote about it so well. I'm so grateful that you were with me and that Audrey was safe back at the cabin. There was definitely a lot of peace and calm in that ER room for both Carson and I, I'm so grateful for that calm before the storm to come. Thank you for everything, your support and love is the best. I know this is so hard on Grandma and Grandpa as well. To keep with the theme, you both are quite the rock stars yourselves! We can do this!

  6. It still seems sureal, but I can see how things are starting to calm down! Carson is such a brave little boy, who is blessed with a awesome family! We love you all and will be with you on this forever journey..... It's gonna be ok, love you sweet girl!

  7. My heart breaks for your family:( I'm so grateful, though, that you and Brianna were so in tune to Carson's warning signs. I'm not sure I'd have had such insight. Carson is in good hands: God's, Brianna and Chris', and you and Rick.

    1. It's a tough deal, it's getting better, but it never goes away :(