Dealing with some "Irrational fears"

From Webster's Dictionary...

Claustrophobia: is a situational phobia triggered by 

an irrational and intense fear of tight or crowded spaces.

This is no joke friends!!!

I had no idea it would happen to me again after my recent toe surgery.....

19 years ago when I had surgery to reattached my hamstring, I experienced the same

 "Irrational" state of mind, it doesn't feel irrational to those who are dealing with it.

I came out of surgery with my knee extended 45 degrees behind me and fixed in that position, with a metal brace that extended from my hips to my knee. I didn't know that it would affect me in the form of extreme anxiety and claustrophobia. I had to be given an IV injection of Ativan, a medication used for anxiety. 

I don't remember much after that. 

With my recent surgery 2.5 weeks ago, I remember waking up to a surgeon standing over my foot holding the splint and saying, "STOP MOVING YOUR FOOT"! 

Again I was in a near panic because of the inability to move my foot or ankle...

I was given Ativan once again, this time by mouth. I was in tears until it took effect

 and in recovery way longer than expected.

With my cast change 4 days later I requested some valium.....JUST IN CASE.

I only had to take it once in the 2 weeks prior to cast change #2 which happened yesterday.

My new cast yesterday is now tighter so you can imagine it was not a good day...or night. 

I prayed a lot and took 2 valiums during the night to try and get some sleep and take my head away from "Irrational" (even though it's very real)  panic.

 Today is better, lots better as the cast is loosening again and I have a little wiggle room.

I was having a sensory issue on the left side of my cast that Rick took care of!

 It's 100% better thanks, honey!

I am typically not an anxious person.

 I don't get too excited about much of anything.

 I'm usually pretty quiet and don't let things get to me.

I would rather have pain any day!!!, over not being able to move.

So this has not been fun, but I think the worst is over.

Next up will be a boot of some kind, I'm hoping it can be removed when I'm off it. 

For now, 31/2 more weeks of no weight on my foot.

I won't even go into the struggles with that.

I'm trying to stay upbeat and positive, but there's a lot of complaining going on here...

 just trying to keep it real over here.

 I'm hoping to look back on this all and see that it was worth it because I really really want it to be.

Some added photo's for your viewing pleasure...

My son....only Brice  :)

grandbaby love...

Stitches out and placement of cast #2

My wheels, borrowed from my good friend Sharalyn, used by her hubby Denny.

This has been a lifesaver

Can I just tell you about this guy for a minute! 

He is my stronghold, he is patient and encouraging!

He never complains about my constant needs, and he reminds me that this will all be worth it in the end

I'm blessed by this man in so many ways.

I can still fold clothes...

and I did my 1st ever successful grocery order online. 

hoping for a good night tonight....